i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
