turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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