You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
