Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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