My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
