Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
