i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
