Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
