MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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