maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
