you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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