he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
you made out with another girl for some wings
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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