he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He better not be in your backpack
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
