I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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