Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
