The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
