i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize