Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
