hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
