why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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