I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
