Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
