omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
