I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
