WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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