i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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