Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
