Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
