Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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