Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
