Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
