My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
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He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
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I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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