Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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