I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
barbara walters just said penis...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
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