If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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