Tell her she can't have a vagina
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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