My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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