Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
