So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
