Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
