his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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