Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
