So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
