That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
