Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
