sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
