ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
