Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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