I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
