then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
