My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
