"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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