dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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