I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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