Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
