totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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