Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
