He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
