they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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