You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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