Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
