i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
