just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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