All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
