I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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