They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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