If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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