im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
