Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
