We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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