He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
