don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
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Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
try to milk me bitch
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