Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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