I saw his package. It spoke to me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
