i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize