first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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