i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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