i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
