dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
