Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
